A Bleeding Heart
by bluexxxcarnation
Summary: Sometimes I like it when you hurt me because that's when your eyes shine the brightest and you know how much I love your eyes. AU Two-shot
1. Chapter 1

_A Bleeding Heart_

_Cannot be cleansed with antiseptics_

_Cannot be patched up with bandages_

_Cannot be numbed with painkillers_

_A Bleeding Heart_

_Bleeds until the person causes it stops the bleeding_

In the midst of everything, being hurt by the person you care most about… isn't so bad.

Sounds insane, right?

Wrong.

It sounds just about right to me or maybe I was insane. It didn't matter anymore.

Gaara. I would sometimes whisper his name out loud to myself for no apparent reason. I liked the way his name rolled of my tongue. His hair seemed to almost be the same exact pigment of blood. His eyes, almost the same shade as my own could say words that could make or break a person.

Was it odd that somehow I became so captivated by this man with red hair and jade eyes?

From the very beginning I knew he would destroy me, break me down to my very core. I didn't know if he would do it out of love or hate, and I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. The very first time my eyes clashed with his jade eyes I knew he held some kind of enchantment over me. From then on I could never tear my eyes away from his if caught in the sight of jade.

XxXx

_It's always been rude to stare, and I knew this, but I couldn't help it. This man, this stranger with red hair, had the most unique color of eyes, next to my own. Mine emerald and his jade. His almost a sea foam green…_

"_What are you staring at, woman?" the stranger bit out. _

_I snapped out of my reverie. "Oh! Ah sorry, I just couldn't help but notice that you have beautiful eyes."_

_He seemed dumbfounded for a moment, before becoming composed once again. "That has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard."_

_I let out a weak laugh. "But it's true. My name is Sakura." The stranger looked at me lazily. This annoyed me. "Well?" _

"_What?"_

"_It's common courtesy that if one gives their name, you give your own name to them."_

_He only smirked. "You're weird." I bit back a remark. "But the name is Gaara."_

XxXx

I never thought I would see him again, but we always crossed paths somewhere or another. By first glance his eyes held this dull light to them as if completely bored with life. I soon learned that they came alive when I annoyed the living crap out of him.

Though Gaara seemed almost ready to rip my tongue out I guess he learned how to tolerate me. And at some point I learned to care for him, soon wanting to have him as my own.

XxXx

"_I'm no good for you. I'll end up hurting you. Or killing you," he said, his voice quiet, but stubborn. His hands squeezed my waist letting me know that, yes, he was fully capable of hurting me. "Does this satisfy you? Do you take pleasure in my giving you pain?" His hand slowly glided up my sides letting it rest on the curve of my neck.._

_Through half lidded eyes, I could see his beautiful jade eyes stare intensely at me. Something sparked in his eyes for a moment before he wrapped his calloused hand around my neck. _

_My breath hitched. I knew my natural response should have been to push him away, but I was too entranced by the gleam in his eyes. He leaned towards me, his face turned towards the side to whisper in my ear. _

"_Do you like knowing that I can easily take the life out of you?" his hand tightened slightly. I gulped. He chuckled. "There will be no going back," he warned becoming somber. My thoughts were far from his warnings and all I could think about was how his warm breath seemed to caress my ear. _

_I let out a small whimper, but I was determined to have my intentions clear. "I know and I don't care." His hand loosened its grip, but not enough to let me escape his grasp, not that I wanted to anyway._

"_That's what I'm afraid of," he whispered before tightening his hand once again but this time within my pink locks. He crushed my body against his and pressed his lips on mine affectively devouring me. "You are mine," he growled. My heart leaped in anticipation._

XxXx

Despite his warnings I couldn't help myself. I was so entranced by him. I could never get enough. I could never let him go or even possibly leave him.

Gaara said that I could be an angel in human form, though albeit sweet, he was overly possessive and very ill-tempered. Many men tried to grab my attention… among other things and his first reaction was to get me away from any eyes that belonged to the male species. He would take me away and make his claim over me clear, affectively causing any other plans that night to diminish. It would be all about him, god, he was everywhere.

XxXx

_Our lips moved together erratically, our bodies warm, both for different reasons. My body hot and flushed from his actions, his body hot from anger. Another man had tried to steal me away from Gaara while he was off doing business of sorts. And knowing Gaara he wouldn't stand for it. _

_After leaving an effectively beaten man behind, he placed his arm around my waist and guided me towards the exit of the club. Even before the door could shut completely he had me pushed up against the wall leading to our present position. _

_He kissed me aggressively before pulling away and leaning his forehead against mine. His eyes seemed to glare into mine. "No one will ever touch you like I can," he brushed his hand against my thigh and I was too dazed from the intensity of his kiss, "No one will ever take you away from me."_

_I smiled softly letting my fingers wrap themselves in his hair. "You're ridiculous. Only an idiot would try that. I'm not going anywhere." And my lips returned to his. His shoulders relaxed slightly and the kiss we shared became gentle._

XxXx

His possessiveness was sometimes quite endearing and I knew I had already fallen for him. I had already promised I wouldn't leave him, but I sometimes worried if he would get bored of me and drop me like a rock. His demeanor was always dark and demeaning and surely my bubbly personality couldn't possibly match up to his preference.

I could never figure out what he saw in me, though he would try to convince me it didn't matter, but it never stopped the doubts.

XxXx

"_You know, one day you might leave me," I whispered out in the dark knowing he was listening. He always listened. In the darkness, I could see his silhouette as he raised himself into a sitting position. I sat up as well, pulling the covers over my chest to cover my naked form from him, not that it mattered.._

_He remained quiet. "Gaara?" I placed my hand on his warm shoulder. He placed his hand on top of my own, stringing our fingers together before turning his torso towards me. His eyes penetrated my own. They glowed in the darkness when nothing else did._

_In moments like these I believe that maybe he loved me too. I closed my eyes and leaned forward placing my forehead atop of our joined hands. I sighed out when I felt his forehead lean against my head. I listened to the sound of his breathing._

"_What if I'm not the one leaving?" he finally asked. I lifted my head, the movement causing his head to lift as well. I blinked. _

"_What?"_

_His other hand reached for my face stroking my cheek. "What if you leave me?" I could see the sadness and pain he had to endure as a child flash through his eyes. My face softened as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders feeling the bed covers fall from my body. _

"_Gaara, I'm not going to leave you because I can't be without you." I knew using the word "love" was hard for him, so I tried to refrain from doing so as well. I felt his hands enclose on top of my arms. _

"_As I can't without you," he whispered before turning around and softly pushing my naked form against the bed._

XxXx

I had meant every word I had ever told him, but it never stopped the doubt that crossed his eyes.

Gaara's entire being was ironic. His behavior, a bit restless, was completely overwhelming and overpowering, yet beneath the surface he was very fragile, easily confused. Even the thought of him being hurt, emotionally, is baffling, but very possible. I learned the hard way.

XxXx

_My body burned in anger. How dare that bitch! How dare she fling her body all over Gaara! I was possibly fuming as I stormed out of the building. Before I could call myself a taxi a strong hand grasped my wrist and pushed my back against the wall next to me. "Why did you leave me?" he asked angrily, but I could see a tinge of pain and loneliness in his eyes. _

_I tried to glare back despite the guilt I felt. "You seemed a bit preoccupied."_

_He scoffed. "Having a dimwitted woman forcefully making her attraction to me doesn't keep me from you," he nearly snarled, "I didn't think you were that petty to react like such a child."_

_I tried to force myself not to cry. It was true, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt any less. "Well, what was I supposed to do? Just sit there as some bimbo tries to further initiate rather intimate and vulgar contact?"_

"_No, but you don't go off running away wordlessly either!"_

"_Fine! I'll keep that in mind just stop crying like a baby!" I shouted. The next thing I know his hand flashed across my face and the sound of skin hitting skin reverberated around me. My head whip lashed to the side due to the impact._

"_Oh my god," I cried. My face stung. He hit me. Gaara hit me._

"_Don't talk to me like that," he hissed. I shut my eyes finally allowing my tears to fall. My hand flew to my own face to try and shield out the pain. It hurt so much… _

_Silence followed after. The sound of his palm connecting to my face still echoed in my mind. How could he? _

"_Look at me," he whispered. It almost sounded remorseful. "Look at me, Sakura," he said again, but with more force. I whimpered taking a step back. He growled in response. His hand grabbed my chin forcing my eyes to meet his. I had expected his face to be graced with the most frightful emotion of anger or maybe to see some kind of pain in his eyes that reflected the pain I felt on my face, but I only saw his eyes, only saw something more entrancing than both._

_His jade eyes were bright and livid. They glowed in the dark like they always did, but this time it was almost as if I could see into his soul. It was beautiful. He was beautiful._

_Gaara let out a deep breath and I could feel it as it fanned my face. _

"_I-" he started. He let go of my chin to stroke my now red cheek. He stared at the effects of his anger and sucked in a breath when I hissed out in pain. _

"_Sorry," his voice was just a whisper as he continued to stroke my face affectionately, this time trying not to cause me pain. I knew he didn't mean it, but it didn't mean it stopped the tears. They continued to fall, but I couldn't pull my eyes from his. They were just so beautiful._

XxXx

Gaara had anger problems we both knew this, but him going out to cause me physical pain shocked us both. After he realized the damage he became really gentle with me as if trying to apologize, hoping that I wouldn't leave. Of course, he never said anything. His eyes always told the story. And I missed that unknown glint in his eyes from when he struck out at me.

Sometimes I wonder why his eyes shined like that.

XxXx

_My shift at the clinic was just about done when a rather persistent coworker came up to me to try and woe me, I'm sure. From the corner of my eye I could see that Gaara wasn't here yet to pick me up. I let out a sigh of relief. He would be very upset to see that another man tried to flirt with me._

_We both agreed that he would only wait outside the clinic for me and not inside, for he had the tendency to scare most of the patients. _

"_So Sakura, are you still with that temperamental bastard?" I could hear the distain in his voice._

"_Yes, and his name is Gaara," I said feeling rather bored of this man._

"_I don't understand you. You're amazingly smart and kind, but you're with a man who's the complete opposite of you. I don't get it." _

_I turned my eyes at him and forced a smile. "It doesn't matter." Not that he would ever understand._

"_Tch, just spend one day with me and you'll see what it feels like to be with a real man who can actually talk and show emotion," he continued to try and sway my decision. My eyes narrowed as he placed his hand on my waist. _

"_Truly, I'm flattered, but could you refrain from touching me." I caught a flash of red outside and I knew I had to finish the conversation soon. My eyebrow twitched when I noticed he didn't do as a requested and kept his hand placement. "Now!" I strained to keep my voice leveled. _

_The man grumbled a bit before walking away. I sighed. I felt completely disgusted right now. _

_Taking a deep breath I ran out to meet Gaara. I saw him sitting on a bench not too far. _

"_Gaara," I breathed. I was extremely happy to see him, but was slightly surprised as to why he didn't try to intervene earlier? Maybe he didn't see?_

_He looked up at me with a glint in his eyes that took my breath away. "Sakura, who was that?"_

_I blinked. "Who?"_

"_That piece of shit you were talking to."_

_Oh._

"_He's a coworker of mine. He always tries to put moves on me. He's a total slum." I tried to laugh off his tension._

"_Well it seemed like you were enjoying his company." Maybe he mistaken my smile? _

_I frowned and my brows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about?"_

"_He touched you," he sneered, "He was touching you. Why didn't you stop him?"_

_I gritted my teeth. "I don't think my employer would appreciate it if I started assaulting coworkers!"_

_Gaara pushed himself of the bench and came to stand in front of me, towering over me. "Well I don't appreciate him touching you. What were you two talking about?" he demanded._

_I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away, completely fumed. "That's none of your business!"_

"_Is it?" he asked almost delightfully menacingly as he grabbed my wrists. The long forgotten gleam sparked in his eyes and for a moment I was completely dazzled._

_I opened my mouth to protest and doing so caused his eyes to flash. I blinked before realizing the crushing pain on my arms. I gasped. Gaara started to squeeze on my arms with his brute strength._

"_Gaara! What are you doing?" I asked becoming slightly frightened. _

"_Is it really none of my business if a man touches as he wishes as if you were a little whore?" _

_My eyes blurred up by my tears. "Gaara…" Why was he saying this?_

"_Does it make you happy?" he almost growled squeezing my wrist even more. _

_I could only whimper and curl into him. I know I should be fighting against him, fighting to get away, but the moment my eyes met his, I was at a lost._

"_Does it make you happy," he whispered gently now, but not releasing my limbs. _

"_No…"_

"_Then what makes you happy?"_

_My tears continued to fall, but I didn't look away. "You make me happy. Gaara please stop hurting me," I almost begged._

_He blinked, once, twice, before realizing what he was doing. He immediately released my arms, but only enough to turn them over for examination. The imprint of his hands could still be seen on my skin that would soon turn into nasty purple bruises. He seemed appalled for a moment and the gleam in his eyes dissipated._

'_**No!' **__I almost yelled. I didn't want the light to go away just yet._

"_Sakura… did I-?" he couldn't finish before wrapping his arms tenderly around me. "I didn't… want to hurt you…" he whispered._

_His words didn't stop the tears. _

XxXx

I learned that it was easier to face his physical anger when I would look into his eyes and not his face. One moment he would be tender and loving and another he would lash out in anger. It frightened me. He seemed to be two different people and I couldn't keep up. He didn't used to be like this before, but despite it all I still loved him.

XxXx

_The bruises on my body seemed to glow in the darkness as I lay naked next to Gaara. There were so many, I could almost cry, but I was dried up. All the bruises, all the times he hit me, he hurt me, seemed to all blend in to one. I never tried to remember all the reason behind each injury. It was easier just to believe that whatever reason it was, it was because I was careless._

_His body shifted beside me as his arm snaked itself around my waist. I silently wished that this shouldn't have made me want to cuddle up even closer to him. I looked at his face, the moonlight showing everything that the sun could not._

"_Why?" I would whisper more to myself than him. Sometimes I wished he would just hear me out and feel my pain, but it would never happen._

XxXx

Gaara was at peace with himself in his sleep. He didn't look like he was ready to yell at anyone or even hurt me. On nights like this, I would just stare at him and mule over times when he didn't used to do this.

In the beginning I would start to flinch and shy away from his contact, which only made his eyes flare. They seemed to think that I didn't want to be around him anymore. And sometimes I wished that that was true, but it was a lie, and I was the only one who knows the truth. I could never be without him even if the beatings came as a package deal.

The beatings weren't so bad. What hurt the most was that he could actually find it in himself to hurt me. Of course I would be the one to get myself in an abusive relationship. I always wondered why girls never asked for help when they were stuck in this situation. I now know why. Well for one, I just loved him too much for my own sake. And…

Life would never be the same without him.

Every time a person you love hits you, you seem to lose a part of yourself. You lose the trust in them, but not in the way that would make you hate them, no. You always hope that they would never do it again and sometimes they don't. You lose trust in yourself.

Maybe this was supposed to be. Maybe I was really supposed to be with him and maybe there was no changing him.

I had to realize that soon enough anyway.

XxXx

_I was worried. Full blown worried. Something had upset Gaara and this time I knew for a fact that I didn't cause it. After one of his acquaintances had whispered something to him, he had stormed off leaving me alone. I waited an hour, in fear that if I left and he returned, it would make things worse._

_So now I found myself in the living room of my apartment worried sick. What could make him that upset to just leave me?_

_I was snapped back into reality when my front door was slammed open. I turned my body towards the sound completely startled. _

_Gaara sauntered in his shoulders hunched over and he stumbled a bit. What was wrong with him?_

_I got an answer when a whiff of alcohol hit my nose._

_Gaara was drunk._

XxXx

I can't quite remember what happened that night, maybe it's because I refuse to remember. But… I recall the pain that he inflicted on. I never did find out what upset him enough to drink his night away.

I closed my eyes remembering the feel of my back being shoved against a broken mirror. But it was okay, it would only leave scars that would fade…

**But the scars on my heart could never disappear.**

He hurt me so much that I even thought of just disappearing to just end it all, but that was before I found out I had something more to live for.

I was going to be a mother.

And I wasn't quite sure how he would take the news. Since that one night he grew in a routine of getting drunk almost every other day. And no surprise that he was an angry, violent drunk.

After some time it was just a daily thing. He would come home drunk, beats his frustrations out on me then go to sleep to awaken with a hangover and become highly irritable, and… well most likely release it all on me.

Sometimes I think that when he was sober, he's not really there. He never went through the gentle phase of trying to apologize to me. Gaara wasn't the Gaara I was in love with anymore.

And as I sit here trying to get away from his angry glare, his swinging fists, I pray that my child doesn't experience the pain that has been forever burned into my mind. The fear and love that I have for the living essence in my womb causes me to scream out, to finally fight back.

"Gaara! Stop hurting me!" I scream pulling myself on my feet. "Stop treating me like this!"

He only growls, his eyes, for once aren't clouded with alcohol, only anger, and that simmer of light that I had soon learned comes apparent when he's violent. I always wished that they would brighten because he loved me.

"Shut up, Sakura," he snarls. I don't back down.

"No, not anymore!" I know there will be consequences, and if I manage to make it out in one peace… I will take the little guy in me. I will take him (or her) away with me so I can raise him and to love him with everything I have left. "Gaara, I don't know what went wrong between us and I don't want to know if you enjoy hurting me like it seems like you do, but I know I can't do this anymore. You are not the only person that I will love anymore!" By this time I know my face is flushed with anger, my eyes reflecting fear with the other life that I have to protect.

Don't worry, little guy… everything will be okay…

"So while I'm away you're off having fun with another, aren't you," it doesn't sound like a question.

"No," I whisper, "While you are away I cry my broken heart away. When you are away I wonder what happened to the man I loved. When you are away I wonder how my child will live without a loving father!" I finally scream.

This stops the anger. He stares at me, his face completely shocked. "F-father? You're pregnant?"

I only nod as the tears start to fall. The wheels turn in his head and his face starts to crumple up to try and resolve everything. He tries to stop the anger, I can see that. And I can see the actions going in his head saying "how will I apologize".

But it doesn't matter. I am leaving when I get the chance. I can't falter back into his arms… as much as it hurts to think so.

His fists relax and fall to his sides, but only to soon reach out to me. He takes me in his arms. He tries to cradle me in them. I can almost hear his unspoken whisper, the words his actions try to say, "I'm sorry, so sorry…" I am too.

That night he doesn't say anything else he only keeps his arms firmly around my waist while he sleeps. I lay awake waiting, always waiting…

I look at his face. I can tell when he's in dreamland when his face relaxes and he looks like he's smiling. I smile too, but I pull away not before placing a kiss on his forehead and whisper words that will be lost in the night. I take a bag that was already packed before he got home.

I go to the kitchen to write a note, a note only for his eyes. There is one sentence on there that makes me wonder if I should keep it there, but I don't think much of it.

**Sometimes I like it when you hurt me because it's when your eyes shine the brightest and you know how much I love you eyes. **

**Love,**

**Sakura**

I smile while stroking my stomach.

Without another glance I open the door and walk out. And in the back of my mind I can almost hear my heart breaking.

But within my broken heart, I can almost hear another start beating.

_A Bleeding Heart_

_Bleeds until the person causing it stops the bleeding _

_Or_

_When you find a new reason to stop it yourself._

* * *

Well there you have it another depressing one-shot. I'm debating whether or not to add Gaara's POV. I'll just wait for feedback!

So...

That means you have to review!


	2. A Lonely Heart: Gaara

A/n: Not gonna lie to you… bit OOC. I should have written it in 2nd person perspective, but I had majority of it already typed out and… it's all messed up…

* * *

A Lonely Heart

Sakura…

We met in one of the most natural ways. Just passing by each other, just going on with our miserable repetitive lives, but her annoying, bubbly self caused me to notice her. Or shall I say her staring.

Words were spoken and names were exchanged. Whatever led me into giving her my name, I'll never know, but I decided it didn't matter seeing as I would never see her again.

I was wrong.

For countless times I saw her again and again. She was always there. She was always just so damn annoying, and I soon found out that she was intentionally annoying.

_Sakura had found it suitable to drag me off to have coffee and cake with her. __**Coffee AND cake.**__ What's wrong with this picture?_

_We were currently seated at a small table with Sakura delightfully drinking her coffee while I glared. __"Why do you continue to bug me, Haruno?" I asked refusing to refer to her by her namesake. Why did I agree to coffee with her? _

"_Well for one, you never say my actual name," she began and I glared even harder," and… your eyes." My eyebrow rose waiting for her to continue. She blushed. "They become bright when I annoy you and I love seeing them when they're like that." She smiled cheekily before taking another sip, effectively causing her to miss my confused expression. _

This Haruno… Sakura was odd, but after some time I learned she would never stop being so persistent, so I soon learned to tolerate her.

But despite her "adventures" of trying to become acquainted with me, she never quite found out about my "extracurricular activities" underground as being an infamous street fighter. Not that I would care whether she found out or not.

_I had come home from a match and was looking forward to relaxing only to meet Sakura __**in MY apartment. **__Apparently she found it suitable to break in and enter my personal surrounding, though this wasn't the first time. _

_When this had first happened I had demanded that she tell me how the __**hell **__she got in. She had a simple answer. __**"I picked your lock!" **__And she signed it with her signature smile._

_I suppose that I should have been curious to know how she learned how to pick locks, but I never cared enough. __Oddly enough it never bothered me when I found her randomly in my apartment. Not that she was any danger to me. She just annoyed the hell out of me such as now._

"_Gaara! What the hell is that?" she cried while inspecting my face between her hands. I couldn't help but notice that her hands were warm_

_._

"_It's my face," I refrained from__ rolling my eyes. _

"_Cut the crap! What happened? You have a black eye!" She hissed when she looked at it closer. I could feel her breath against my face. A foreign feeling crept up from within me. This closeness. I couldn't help but notice the way her forehead would wrinkle up with her worry or how she bit her lower lip…_

_The foreign feeling grew, almost tingling, but I stomped it back down. The last thing I need is to start doubting my own body's responses. I took a step back, satisfied that the feeling became dull almost a throbbing annoyance that could be easily tolerated unlike the throbbing in my eye now more to my annoyance than the injury itself. _

_Unfortunately she didn't stop __**pampering **__me. _

"_Go sit down, I'll get something cold to ice it down…oh wait, you don't have any bags of frozen peas…" She trailed off mumbling along the lines of "dumb brute never learned to eat his veggies". And with that she left me to stand the living room of my small apartment._

_I scowled__ before taking a seat on my worn down couch. In the back round I could hear Sakura digging around in my freezer for her the object she was seeking for. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back to be rid of my headache and ignoring how the straining of my muscles earlier was now taking a toll on me._

_Before I could completely succumb to sleep, Sakura returned with a bag of ice in hand. S__he sat on her knees beside me while placing the pack of ice gently on my eye and gently grabbing my hand to replace her so I could hold it myself. The cold helped ease the pain of my eye and headache._

"_You're exhausted," she stated as she took a seat next to me._

"…"

"_Keep that on for twenty__ minutes then go and get some rest, okay?"_

"_Hn." The foreign feeling returned ten fold, but I observed it wasn't all that… unpleasant. The one eye that wasn't injured opened to look at the worried expression on her face. She was fidgeting with the hem of her sundress and continued to bite her lip. Inwardly sighing, I only gave her a way ward glance before saying "You worry too much, go home."_

_She huffed, her cheeks puffing out. "Well someone has to look after you. You can't do it yourself." I frowned, but didn't reply. "You never really understand that you need to take care of yourself. I am I know you won't tell me how or why you're injured, but just… be careful. Okay?"_

_I couldn't help but smirk.__ "No promises." __**Thank you for caring.**_

Sakura, being Sakura, was completely blunt when confessing that she wished to be with me. Attraction existed between us, but I knew that I wasn't the best influence for her. She was the exact opposite of me all full of sweets and bunnies, with the patience of a monk one moment and a temper of a banshee the other.

Somehow I found that I couldn't say no. I wanted her. She gave me this sense of comfort that was new to me. Knowing that she could leave at any time… gave me a sense of discomfort and panic. I had become accustomed to her presence, her smiles, and her love. I didn't want to be without it.

But as we continued to be with each other I began to fear more than just her absence, but for her life.

_The feeling contentment rested itself within my tired body. I wouldn't as much say that __it was excitement that was currently running through me at the thought of returning home to Sakura, but I maybe I was. I craved for her affection throughout the whole day. This left me feeling somewhat disgruntled but the feeling of peace overpowered it. Our apartment came into sight and I could almost say that I smiled. That is, until I felt a familiar presence across the street. _

_Without hesitation my body made its way toward the figure all the while my fist clenching and eyes narrowing dangerously. _

"_Leave," I growled out._

"_And I shall, after my message has been passed through," the man spoke back as he revealed himself._

_I didn't care for his appearance, but I knew him as one of the associates within the underground fighting. This was not just some pleasant meeting._

"_You're wasting my time."  
_

"_Now don't be so hasty. After you hear what I have to say I guarantee that this will be worth more than just your time," he smirked. My glare hardened, but I said nothing allowing him to continue. "We need your talent back. Viewings have been dropping and many demand your presence."_

"_No."_

_He chuckled. "Ah, but you should allow me to finish."_

"_I'm beginning to grow bored of your nonsense." _

"_We knew you would resort to such an answer that's why," he's eyes drifted off towards the apartment complex and I stiffened, "we want to offer you a deal. We know why you have left this darker side of your life, and truthfully," his eyes returned towards me, "we don't like it."_

_My body became ridged ready to spring into action, ready to inflict pain._

"_The deal that we offer is that you take these pills once a day," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a container. _

_I barked out a dark laugh. I wasn't stupid or moronic. I knew those were drugs._

"_I refuse."_

"_Ah, but you should consider the other half of the deal," his eyes darkened, "Take these pills or she disappears."_

_The coil of fury and anger burned within me. I saw red._

"_You touch her and I will kill you."_

_The man had the audacity to laugh. "We've been watching to two of you for quite some time. We can recite her daily agenda by memory and believe me; we know you won't always be around her." _

"_Do you have a death wish?" My voice low and dark. _

"_Do you want a death wish for her?" he smirked, "The offer has been given, now it is up to you whether you take it for her sake or not." He tossed the container to me and I caught it easily. _

"_What if I take those pills?" It took all my will power not to grind this fool against the pavement and to watch him bleed miserably._

"_Then we shall allow nature to take its course." He smile almost wistfully dark._

"_Bull shit. What will these drugs do to me?" The container burned in my tight grip. This life or death situation was beginning to sink in. _

"_That is for us to know, and for you to find out yourself, that is if you take them."_

"_Damn it! W__hat they are!" I snarled. _

_He only laughed as he turned his back to me. Bad mistake. In a flash of an eye I was beside him and punched him. Hard._

_The man flew back due to the force of the blow, but flipped around to land on his feet. He spat blood out and wiped it with the sleeve of his coat. I have half expected him to retaliate, but was taken aback when he just smirked. "Your violence is most unbecoming," he chuckled to himself as if he was referring to an inside joke. "You have three days for your decision, and I know we don't have to tell you that we'll be watching."_

_The infuriating man rose to his feet, not before spitting out more blood, which gave me a minuscule amount of satisfaction. He turned on his heel and walked off into the darkness. _

_I watched him making sure he was gone before looking at the pills in my hand. Uncertainty filled me at the thoughts of the unknown affects these drugs will have on me. Shutting my eyes tightly and closing my hand into a fist I finally allowed the predicament to hit me. They could hurt Sakura. My eyes opened and narrowed. They will not touch her. _

"_Damn it," I yelled before punching a nearby brick wall. "Damn it…" _

_My once content feeling had whispered away to be replace with despair. Without another though I placed the container of pills in my pocket and sighed to try and compose my anger. _

_Upon entering I immediately went to find the pink hair woman. I found her sitting comfortably at the island of our small kitchen drinking tea and reading a book. _

_Hearing my entrance she looked up and smiled brightly. My heart thumped irregularly at her kind smile. I needed to be with her right now. She walked up to embrace me. I fell into her warmth nuzzling her neck inhaling her sweet scent. As she began to rub circles on my back she spoke softly, "It was getting late, I was beginning to worry." _

_I said nothing to her only pulled back to look into her eyes. "You worry too much," my voice was barely a whisper. _

"_Only for you," she replied while pressing herself closer to me. I relished in her closeness. _

_**For you.**_

_My hands made their way to cradle her face and __I kissed her. The object in my pocket suddenly became heavier. There was no question about it. I would protect her in anyway I can. I would do whatever I can to keep her safe. For her._

The pills didn't have any immediate side effects. Nothing changed except for the ongoing awareness of being watched. Other than that, our lives continued on.

It wasn't until I found myself towering of Sakura as she lay cowering on the floor crying that I realized what the pill was truly doing to me. It heightened my sense of aggression and violence. Anything that would normally annoy me would now set of my physical anger on those who were around me. And seeing that I needed to keep an eye on Sakura, she was always the one around me who got hurt. I hated myself to the deepest, darkest pits of fiery hell. No true man would ever lay a violent hand on the woman he loved, but I did. My sense of right and wrong became twisted and what was worse was that I knew it was happening, could see it happening, but there was nothing I could do.

I finally understood the end of the deal. I take the pills get overly aggressive, and they would expect me to return the fighting just to alleviate the violence. _Bastards._

After some time it just seemed as if I was sleeping. My conscious mind resting, but another part, the drugs, was always awake to take over to hurt Sakura.

There was only one person that can pull me back into reality. Pull me, not the monster who would lash out on the one he cares for, out of this oblivion. _Sakura…_

She was the only one who could save me, but every day that passes I could see her becoming reserved within herself more distance. The fire in her eyes dying. My heart squeezed painfully at her tears. She was slowly dying, and I was killing her.

Sakura was going to leave one day, but _I need her to save me. I need her._

One moment it seemed as if my mind was in limbo, but than I was awoken by one small word. _Father._

Sakura was pregnant with my child. The thought of a being that was half her and half me, a better half of me gave me the strength to break through the mindless stupor of anger. I reached out in desperation to grasp on my reality, on my future that lay within Sakura.

And when I finally had control of my own hands that burned I reached for her so desperate for her touch with **my **hands. Not the monsters, but my hands. I cradle her to me so closely I thought that her love could push out the poison from my body.

We lay in bed together and as I drift off I know that this is my final resolve. I will eliminate the danger that is posed to Sakura and my unborn child. For almost once in my life I smile. My child. A child with the one I've come to love. Everything will change tomorrow; I will make sure of it.

The next morning she is gone. Sakura is gone. My heart clenches. She finally left me.

XxXx

I had awakened, but the pounding in my head is keeping me from opening my eyes. The pills always makes my head hurt. I feel that there is something missing which gives me another reason to keep my eyes close. The apprehension that crawled into my gut gives me the feeling that maybe I don't want to know what is missing. But the screaming desperation causes me to open my eyes. The room is dark save for the small beam of light that is leaking through the curtains. It is late in the morning.

I turn my head to be met with the sight of an empty bed. My arm reaches for the sheets. It's cold. My heart thumps. Was Sakura working today? I lift myself out of bed, but not before faltering to the incessant headache, but I push passed the pain. The sound of my feet is almost soundless against the carpet of the living room. My jade eyes take in the current surroundings. The room is completely trashed. I frown knowing that it was my fault.

I continue on looking for clues as to where Sakura could be only to find a cryptic note upon the kitchen island. My eyes shut tightly at the meaning of her words. She's gone. My heart beats heavily the pain in my head seems to dim away only to be replace by the aching in my chest. She's gone. Losing the ability to stand I crumple into one of our dining chairs. _Not ours anymore, she's gone._

I allow myself to mourn for her absence. She is gone and I know she will not come back. Her smile, her laugh, and her irrevocable love will never return to me. I cradle my face into my hands my eyes clenching close. I exhale unsteady. There is a hole in my chest, a sense of emptiness, a hole I, now, know as Sakura. But there is another, a deeper pain. This new pain burns with the knowledge that I may never see my unborn child.

If only…

Anger burns through the pain. If only those bastards hadn't be so damn persistent with getting their greedy grubby hands on some damn money. I want so badly to break something. The monster laughs in glee, but for once I finally have the strength to be the damn thing back. He continues to push through, he wants to hurt something. And for once I allow him through. I want my revenge. I want to destroy those who have destroyed me. I smile cynically. The monster and I together, merged in a truce. I eliminate the bastards who brought this upon us, and the monster gets to release its gleeful violence.

I reach my revenge in the darkness of the night. There are no deaths, but there is blood. So much blood. I know that killing them will only show mercy. I hurt them enough were the simple thought of violence will make them cringe will make them cry for their mother. Bones were broken, skulls were cracked, and then there was the begging. There was so much begging and pleading. The next day the news wonders if there is enough room in the hospital.

I know that if Sakura ever saw this side of me, the merging of the monster and me, then she will cower in fear, or maybe bite out in anger.

This thought causes me to smirk. Sakura is so unpredictable. My eyes dulled out. I miss her. I miss her warmth. I know I can't go after her yet. I can still hear the monster in the back of my head. The drugs are still in affect. I can only hope they can fade soon so I can search for her. I close my eyes and image holding her in my arms. It gives me the strength I need to be patient. Patient for her.

But at night while I lay on her side of the bed my resolve falters. I want so badly to feel her affections for me. Her linger scent on her pillow gives me some sense of ease that, yes, she does exist, and no, she wasn't a dream. Sakura is real and she's out there somewhere. I pulled her pillow closer to my face inhaling deeply.

And I can only hope that she will listen to me. My mind drifts back to the words she had spoken that night before she left.

"_When you are away I wonder how my child will live without a loving father!"_

Will she still let me be the father? Does she still love me? There is not a doubt in my mind that in some way her love for me has faltered.

XxXxX

Somehow, in some generous will of Kami, I found myself standing in front of a door that would lead me to see Sakura. It took several days for the drug and the compulsive aggression to wear off, but it took weeks to locate Sakura. Her location was unknown at the clinic. The search for the pink hair doctor was starting to become frustrating. It turned out that after deep contemplation I finally realized that she would be at her best friend's house. I could only reprimand my lack of attention to all the stories Sakura told to me about her friend.

Inhaling deeply I wasn't quite sure of what to do anymore. The past few weeks I always imaged finding Sakura in all sorts of places, but I never seemed to figure out what would happen afterwards.

I suddenly felt nervous for the first time in my life. It was unsettling this new feeling.

The sound of a feminine gasp snaps me back to reality. My eyes focus on widened emerald. Her body seemed to stand stiff in surprise on the small porch. Her pink hair was pulled out of her face into a ponytail. She is dressed in a casual shirt and jeans and my heart lurches at the sight of the small bump of her abdomen.

An incoherent sound causes my sight to return to her face. Her lips are shaking opening and closing again as if not sure of what to say. My eyes linger on her lips, but slowly make their way up to her eyes. I cringe internally when I realize that there is fear behind watery emerald eyes. She is afraid of me. But upon a deeper inspection I see another emotion that brings warmth to my lonely heart. _Love. _

Taking in this sight I feel as if I can finally breathe again.

"Sakura," I say quietly taking a step forward and reaching for her. I want to touch her, feel her skin, to make sure that she is real.

She takes a step back and I freeze my movements. I almost forget that she is afraid of me. I curse myself.

"What are you doing here?" she asks quietly shutting her eyes.

I don't answer. I'm not sure of what to say. I know that my words need to be chosen carefully or I could lose her forever.

Her eyes open again at the silence as if making sure I was still here.

"Well?" She almost demands.

"That's a stupid question," is all I can reply with.

She blinks-once- twice as if confused. Then the fear in her eyes disappears only to be replaced with fiery passion. "What the hell, Gaara? I think I have the right to ask why the hell you're here!"

"And I'm saying it's stupid," I almost smirk, but I know now is not the time to tease her, "why wouldn't I be here?"

"I left you."

My chest hurt for a moment. "And I found you."

"Why?"

My hand rubs the back of my neck. I'm not sure of what to say, but I try. "You left because I kept hurting you," the fear returns in her eyes, "I hurt you only because…" I didn't want to tell her of my past activities, but I know I have to. I sighed. "Before you met me I was a street fighter."

Sakura tilted her head thoughtfully. "That actually makes sense. Go on."

"After awhile I didn't want to return to that life, but those bastards couldn't give up so they came to me one night and offered me a deal. I take drugs and in return they wouldn't hurt you." I paused allowing her to take that in knowing she would have a few questions. She always had questions.

"What kind of drugs?" She asked quietly.

"It… heighten my aggression to irrational lengths…"

Sakura said nothing as she stared at me. I sighed again before digging into my pocket to pull out the container of pills. I kept it as an insurance policy in case she didn't believe me. Giving it a distasteful glare I tossed it to Sakura who caught it easily. She inspected the container for a moment before popping it open and dumping the last few pills into her hand. She picked one up between her pointer finger and thumb and analyzed it. I could only imagine the medical thoughts that were circulating in her brain.

She finally looked back at me. "Were there any lasting side effects?"

I shook my head.

She nodded her head in understanding. "Is this," she gestured to the pills, "the main reason why…" her lip trembled unable to continue.

I could only nod not able to speak the truth either. I hurt her, in the worst ways.

"You asked me why I'm here," I finally said, "I want to be there for… the baby, for you."

She swallowed slowly and at the mention of the unborn child her hand immediately came to rub at her abdomen. "I'm… sorry that things had to happen this way. I'm sorry that I got you involved, but…" I looked into her eyes hoping she could understand what I couldn't say yet, "I was too selfish to simply let you go. So with everything that's happened and with your leaving, do you really think I will let you go?"

Sakura closed her eyes tears sliding down her cheeks. She shook her head furiously as if to clear her thoughts and a sob broke through her lips.

I finally gave into temptation and walked up to embrace her. Brushing her tears away with my thumbs I placed my forehead against hers. "Don't cry," I whispered. She sobbed even louder before embracing me as well. She pressed her face against my chest and I could feel her body shake with her sobs.

"I'm…so glad… that I finally know a reason why you did what you did," she said through her tears. I could only hold her tighter in response. "I really want you to be the father," she whispered, "I want you to be there with me."

I pushed her back enough so she could see my face. I needed her to understand my sincerity. "You and the baby gave me strength and there is nothing more that I want than to be here. Will you stay with me?"

Slowly but surely she smiled, a smile that I hope our child would inherit. "Yeah."

With that I kissed her gently in which she responded snaking her arms around my shoulders and raking her fingers through my hair. She sighed in the kiss. Her embrace filled me like fresh water being warmed by her body. My hands slid down to rest on the sides to caress the small baby bump.

And suddenly as if everything just seemed to make sense I finally breathed the words I knew would help my past become just a memory. Pulling my lips away from hers I nuzzled my nose against her neck. "I love you."

She gave a weak laugh as she cradled my head. "I love you, too. And so will our child."

I smiled breathing her scent in. "Our child."

* * *

I really don't like this one at all. I never realized how hard it is to right Gaara in first person and sure it may be good, but it's not right. I didn't know how to end the story all dramtic and poetic like the last one, but... I'll fix it when it comes to me. I hope you guys enjoyed it!


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